Maria - I like it loud

Today Im getting my second tattoo. I havent been able to get more than 30 min sleep without waking up, all night. I dont even know what the problem is. I think its the pain im worrying about!

Last time I got tattooed it was on my shoulderblade and I cant say it hurt much at all. At a few points it was getting to the point I wanted to take a deeper breath, but thats about it. But this time its on the inside of the arm. Yes, Im worried!

There are a lot of people out there Im very impressed of. They have something I dont have and prolly wont ever have (again). They are experts at keeping up the façade.

I couldnt possibly get out of bed every morning and spend all that time looking a certain way, just cause I HAVE to. Dont get me wrong, I wear makeu maybe half of the days, its all down to how tired I am etc. Lately Ive been very tired (but finally the sun is back! OK, not right now, its raining but spring, yey!) and the resulyt of that is brush hair, brush teeth, walk out the door. No makeup, no hairspray, no nothing. And sometimes I feel so bad cause of it. But why? Why should one feel bad for NOT always looking her/his best?

I look a lot etter with makeup, but thats the whole point of wearing it isnt it? But, I dont have to have makeup to go out the door. Must be hard to be one of the people who really HAVE TO HAVE MAKEUP.

With looking perfect comes the economy thing. It must cost a fortune to always have the latest clothes, the latest bag, do the latest thing and have all those lattes out on town and party every week...

Then theres that other façade. That everything in life is just great and even if it isnt, deal with it with a smile. This is something I tried for a very long time. That is the best way to forgetting who you are and dealing with what you feel for real. Yet, its not accepted to break down in todays society. Its not ok to have a down period, its not ok to wanna curl up in bed and eat ice cream for a weekend.

The idea of being perfect. Its a very hard role to fill. God knows we all try every now and then. But I dont think theres anyone that succeeded. You can have a perfect evening, a perfect experience, a perfect kiss. But I hardly doubt one can be totally perfect always, at all times.

So, Im very impressed by all these people who keep pretending everything in their life is peachy. No, Im not being negative at all. Im not saying we all have something bad, Im just saying theres no such thing as a perfect life. Theres always something behind the façade.

1. What is the first thing you wash in the shower? - Hair! Or face if I have makeup on.
2. Do you like coffee? - Sure do. Dark dark roast.
3. How do you feel right NOW? - Restless, excited, longing and COLD.
4. Whats the last letter of the name of your current love? - M, as in mmmmmmmm!
5. What was your last dream about? - For once I dont remember what I dreamt last night.
6. Would you be able to eat your favourite food for a whole month straight? - Im pretty sure I could, yeah!
7. What do you want right now? - Liam naked in my bed and less cold feet!
8. Have you ever counted to 1000? - I have, and the quickest way is katten musen (tio)tusen!
9. Do you bite or lick your icecream? - Im a biter.
10. Do you use smilies? - ;D
11. Did you ever meet someone famous? - I did. A few people actually. They might not all be famous to you, but hey, its all relative!
12. Do you like cottage cheese? - I love it! But I dont know if its just me, but it kinda glues the jaws together when you chew?
13. What song was last on your mind? - This is the closest thing to crazy with Katie Melua. Actually had it on my mind for weeks.
14. How many countries have you visited? - Well I wont count Sweden since I live here, but Denmark, Ireland, UK, Netherlands, Aruba... Thats... 5!
15. Do you have strict parents? - Not very, Ive always taken care of myself.
16. Would you go and jump out of a plane (with a parachute ofc)? - Im not sure, I dont know what the fun of it would be. But I might.
17. Is there anything in your room that you can see that glitters right now? - Shiny and silvery, but not glittery, no :(
18. Do you usually rent movies? - Not often, I cant ever decide what I wanna watch and it takes forever to pick a movie :( And why rent when you can download and stream? Hihi
19. Where will you be Saturday? - At work and then somewhere I cant remember, hope that person calls me soon.
20. Where you in NY when World Trade Centre fell over? - No, I was home in the sofa ill and watched tv when my friend called and told me to watch the news. Think I might not ever forget that, not cause it was oh so terrible, but cause I was so goddam ill.
22. What did you have for lunch? - Oat meal with raisins, cinnamon and cardamom. I was being a good girl. By that, I mean I was good cause I wont mention how much raisins I had in it ;)
23. Do you have curly hair? - Some of it is harassing me with getting in ugly waves. I dont know what to do about it. Wig? Shaved? A combination?
24. When did you last cry? - Yesterday.
25. Did you ever walk into a wall? - Actually, I do that a few times a week. I just really cant judge the distance correctly, and end up in the wall.
26. Favourite season? - I have to say spring or summer.
27. Who was the last person to hold your hand? - Does a cat count? Then it was Mjau. If not, the girl Im nursing.
28. Do you sleep with the TV on? - I love to sleep with the tv on, but its pretty pointless as I have it in the livingroom.
29. Do you think that youre old? - Not really, do you?
30. Are you scared of the dark? - It depends. I can be, but I think its mostly my own paranoia. Generally dark is nice.
31. Do you like your current life? - I have so many things to be happy about, so yes. :)
32. Have you ever had a bath when you said you were going for a shower? - I did. Im such a liar. How will people ever trust me again?
33. Do you have good sight? - I wear glasses, but mostly due to lazy eye muscles.
34. Where are your parents right now? - Im guessing my dad is watching tv in his sofa, and my mom is sleeping in her bed.
35. What are you wearing right now? - Nothing! Im in bed and its cosy!
36. What was the last thing you bought? - Bunny food!
37. Do you hate more than three persons? - Hate is a very strong word, but I do hate. More than three, I dont know.
38. Do you eat with chopsticks? - Anyone who has seen me try understands why I dont.
39. o you own a weapon? - Definition of weapon? I dont anything Id use as only a weapon, no.
40. Do you like your hair? - Atm its in dire need of dye, but thats my own choice. But yes, I actually love it.
41. Do you like yourself? - Most of the time.
42. Who is closest to you, your mom or your dad? - Its hard to say, I talk to them about different things I need help with.
43. How often do you use msn? - More or less all the time. Or use, Im logged in. But people hate me and dont write to me!

Hmm. I havent really slept much. 3 hours or so. I really do feel terrible. Its just something happaned last night, and I dont know if its due to that but I acted very unfair. Anyway, blablabla, two reasons two why I couldnt sleep. I felt terrible over how I acted, and I kept seeing the face of a man everywhere. Creepy as hell. When I finally convinced myself there cant be just the face of a man everywhere, I had the other problem left. Feeling terrible and panicky over how I acted and what consequences it might have. Try to deal with that one...

I decided I had to keep my mind at ease and focused on something else til I was tired enough to just not be able to keep my eyes open. Riiiight...

The only thing I found working was The Big Bang Theory. I tried reading, music, radio. Nothing worked. The problem is, its more or less impossible to fall asleep while watching that. It is possible, yes, but last night was not one of those nights. As soon as I thought 'better go to sleep now' and turned it off my heart started beating harder and harder and I had troubles breathing. So, more Big Bang, felt ok, then same thing over and over again.

Last time I looked at the clock was at 6 am this morning. I got up at 9 am. I am tired, and its impossible to sleep. This will be a long, long day...

I really hope I will feel better soon too. This is not a fun feeling to walk around having. Blueh!

Wikipedia on jealousy:

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.

Jealousy is not something Im usually struck by, but the last week Ive had all satellites out searching and poor Liam had a very annoying girlfriend to handle. But instead of acting like an idiot im trying to tell him what Im thinking and why I think like that. Good or bad, wrong or right? Atleast it feels better to me if I explain myself to the poor guy that doesnt have a clue what Im on about.

Im guessing its just a matter of worrying of losing something that I really care about. After being in emotional limbo for quite a while, my life has all of a sudden balanced itself and everything seems pretty relaxing and fixed now. I have a job I really like, I have a lovely flat and a roommate I like, I have my friends and pets and I have my great boyfriend.

Now, if one of these parts would all of a sudden go away I think theres a risk I would get a bit lost again. The fact I happen to have a great looking boyfriend whos smart, funny and so kind, miiiight just be the reason to why I react the most to losing that, cause somehow it feels like its the most risky one. I dont trust people, people are mean and selfish! Or maybe its cause its the one thing thats out of my control? I wouldnt ever want to control a boyfriend, no matter how practical it would be ;) Its just not the person I am, but its also one of the things that make me wonder. In the end I do know he likes and cares for me. Just that slip of the mind everynow and then, isnt it? Dont we all have it?

Liam has shown me bigtime hes not planning on finding another mage (internal joke, and she plays fire... noob) so I think Im leaving my jealousy for show in this post and wont bring it up again. Until next time I get some freaky thought :)


To end this, yes I should be sleeping by now, but I had lentel soup with onion and garlic for dinner. My tummy is rearranging everything it can atm and I will ust have to suffer and watch The Big Bang Theory til it calms down!

Sunday, bloody Sunday.

No its been great, slept loooooong and had a great WoW-session with Liam. We will be a killer team in Northrend for sure! /kiss

Not much of a quality post this, just felt I need to share my evening with you. And I just baked 50 cinnamon rolls, so be jealous, you know you want to!

When I was a kid, I never watched the same movies as others. Or, thats a bit of a lie, I still watched Disney and all that. And I still do :) But what I was thinking of what that I watched movies maybe kids shouldnt be watching.


This morning I woke up and on the radio it was Bryan Adams - Everything I do I do it for you or whatever its called. Reminded me of Robin Hood - Prince of thieves, with Kevin Costner. How I loved that movie as a child. It was released in Sweden 1991 and that means I was about 7 when it was showed on what Im guessing was called Filmnet back then (Canal + oldstyle!). I could spend days waiting for a movie to be shown and since I didnt know how to time the recoding on the video, I had to stay up to start it, no matter when it was showing. Help from mom and dad... No thank you! Well, mom still doesnt know how to turn on anything that is connected to electricity anyway.

I always wished I would be saved away from my life by a knight in golden armor, or natural linen, either way. It feels sad to think of now, that I wanted to get away from my life when I was 7, but these days I know why and its not so weird and in all honesty, there arent a lot of knights out there anyway.

Im guessing my other two favourite movies as a kid is connected to this one. Pretty woman, which is still my favourite movie of all times, and The Bodyguard (Kevin Costner again???!!!). Both about being saved. Now, I think I sure had a problem as a kid haha. On the other hand, watching Disney movies day in and out cant be that good either. When I think of it, I was the only kid who knew all the shows, cause we had German satellite channels at home.

So, I realise I have a few problems now. 1) I have to find help for my love of Kevin Costner. 2) I have to find a knight, but on the other hand I got me a deathknight so that will have to do, cant be assed after 20 years to look anymore, 3) I have to watch all Disnet movies in English and all those kiddie shows I saw in German as a kid in Swedish in English.

Or I can just go do heroics.

This is more than well worth watching.

I had this thought last night. Everything everywhere is always about Facebook. Its insane. We are all totally connected to this community no matter if we want to. So I was thinking, too bad I dont have any friends close to getting engaged soon. I have a brilliant idea.

1. Go buy the ring and take a photo of it.
2. Upload it to Facebook with the words WILL YOU MARRY ME?
2. Tag it with the name of your loved one.
3. Wait for a new notification.


Settled!

Was just reading the local news online, and on the site of our local newspaper you can comment on the articles. This article had 34 comments, normally there might be five or six, so I thought I would have to read the comments too.

The article itself isnt that special. A woman didnt get to the hospital in time and gave birth in the bathroom at home. Once the baby was out, they called for an ambulance to come pick them up and drive them to the hospital. The woman was not in any kind of danger, neither was the child.

On the way to the hospital, the ambulance personnel asks if they are allergic to dogs. They werent, and the following question was if they would be ok with picking up a dog running around on the road. This is a very heavily trafficed road, has to be pointed out. They were fine with it, and so the dog got to come with them. The dog was at all times in the drivers seats, which arent connected to the back area where patients are and all the hygiene and such has to be top notch.

When they arrived at the hospital, the dog was taken care of to its owner somehow, doesnt say, ambulance carefully cleaned and of course the mother and her newborn were taken care of.

Odd story, I have to say, but then again I didnt really think much of it. But here are some of the comments to the article:

"Thank you for having me reading about these wonderful ambulance drivers who helped the dog. The mom wasnt in any danger and she agreed to help the dog. I get so happy when I read about real animal friends!"

"For those who says its good, feels like you never had children yourself. Youre not 'there enough' after giving birth and after such a fearfilled experience like the couple in the article. They were busy with their own feelings after a horryfing happening they didnt answer the question correctly. And whats a dog anyway?"

"I would have said yes myself. You people that think animals should take care of themselves are prolly those egomothers that get a cat only for the summer and have zero empathy. God help the world if everybody would think like you. I would understand if it was a big accident, but for crying out loud, the kid was out, there was no contact with the dog and the man wasnt gicing birth was he? If it was such a problem they could have just said no!"

"The ones saying this was wrong, prolly never had a dog themselves. For a lot of people the dog is a family member, if its right or wrong can be discussed. Someone prolly got very happy when they got their dog back!"

A long post, I know! Sorry about that, but this is my blog! My own thoughts about t his is to shoot anyone who says a dog is just a dog. I have a huge issue with some people. The so called 'latte moms', but lately its spreading to just moms with small children. They are acting like they own the spot they are at and everyone and everything should circle around them. In every way. Someone saying a dog is just a dog is an idiot without a brain and so selfish they deserve to get shot. A dog is just a dog? Well a kid is just a kid, get a new one then...

OK, I know Im being rather silly here. But in all honesty, my animals are my babies and Im very sure I value them and love them as much as moms do with their kids. Thats cause I dont have kids, you will say. But no, thats the way I work. I dont even want children.

To me, the difference with a dog and a child and whether to just 'get a new one' is this. A child you expect to be there til the day you die, since most parents do die before their parents. I know this is not how it always is, but as a general rule. With an animal, like a dog for example, you know there will be a time when he will be gone. So subconciously, you are dealing with that thought all the time I think, and somehow I think that would explain why you dont mourn a dog or animal the same way as a child. Way out of hand, some of you might think. But it all comes down to who you are and how your life is.

Well to the point, dont ever say a child is worth more than a dog. You are not the one to open your mouth and decide just cause you happened to have reproduced yourself and I didnt. And I dont want to anyway!


Pictures and comments translated by me from www.hd.se

Just said nightinight to my Liamski even if he didnt leave msn when I logged back in, the bitch. Anyway, spent the last hour listening to him just playing his guitar a bit, nothing serious, but very realxing to listen to. And very sweet to hear him 'sing' my name while picking out the most awful melodies ;) Haha Im kidding. Some of them were ok!

Better watch some more of the Big Bang Theory before Im off to dreamland. Nightio!

A sponge cake, to me more exact. I really shouldnt be eating cake while losing weight, but this baby only contains a bit of sugar and no fat. It tastes ok, not like a buttery one but then again, it isnt :)




And yes, I did notice the stain on the tiles. It was chocolate. Its gone now!

Today I had a swimming day at work, which means Im off early. Being very lucky, my mom lives close to the swimming hall Im at when we are done. I simply walked the way over there and sat down at the table and had dinner. Cabbage rolls filled with minced meat, potatoes, sauce and lingonberry jam. NOMMINOMMINOMNOMNOM!

I also stole back my notebook my sister borrowed ages ago, and had a quick look at her pc. This is prolly the reason to why I had to buy new aspirins on the way home. It took me 15 mins to get it started, 5 misn to get a site running and when I tried to change, it all crashed. Jeez...

Further more, the weight loss thing is feeling great. Today I walked to the swimming hall in the sunny weather, 30 mins, then all that walking and jumping around with the girl in the water, and then a 15 min walk to my mom. I was considering walking home too, but nah, tummy full of nomminommi!

Now, I always try to change the way I look, always try to lose wight and so on. But when I saw this on Big Bang Theory last night I was thinking short, redhaired, chubby girls arent that bad after all. I think shes absolutely hot.



And if its still bugged, heres the link

Last night, I was thinking about why I used to have so many pillows on bed. Honestly, they were mostly in the way, since I couldnt fit myself in the bed. Throwing most of them out was a good act of the female rage.

These days, I have a very well planned pillow situation. I have a bed which is 160 cm wide. I can lie in either direction in this bed and still fit without problems. Its great for the most interesting sleeping position. Anyway, I also used to sleep very weird. Its like, the pillows were up there and then I had my head resting at the end of the pillow, which cause my feet to hang outside the bed in the end. Now, I have an iron bedframe so my legs had to sneak in between the iron to get the feet out on the other side. Result? Cold feet since the duvet couldnt cover them.


Back to the pillow situation! I solved my cold feet by buying two new pillows. They are very very comfy, and I moved them up to the very edge, almost so I hit my head in the bedframe. Then I taught myself to actually sleep ON the pillow. Now my feet are safe in the bed and warm and cosy all night.

So, two pillows, next to eachother. When I roll over, I will always find a pillow there (almost) and it will be cold and fresh. When it gets warm, Im hopefully all asleep for ages anyway!

Another clever thing. I dye my hair bright red once a month. Red hairdye tends to get rubbed off everywhere. Solved it with an easy trick. RED PILLOWCASES! Wow, if everybody were as clever as I am...

My general nickname containing the word swing has nothing to do with adult business, but the music style of swing. This is what I just turned on and i really really love it. Club Hepcat really out together a great mix of songs.

New design already yey! A big heart to free designs!

Ive decided to once again start a blog. Sigh, most of my friends will say. But thats all good, Im doing it mostly to be less bored. Im bored a lot. I also think a lot about different things, and I surf the net and end up on the most weird sites every now and then. Therefor, this is now my new blog. Anything can happen here. Welcome.


So far today I havent really had that much interesting things happening today, only laundry and standing watching how the water gets flushed out. Very boring.

Think I will play around a bit with this and try to get this blog somewhat ok looking.